Tough Conversations
Whether it’s about the election, the world around us, a conflict in a friendship, a disappointment in a relationship…tough conversations are a part of life. I feel like I’ve found myself in these conversations more often lately, they never seem to get easier. I get nervous beforehand, go over what I want to say a million times in my head, and try to figure out a reason why the conversation is unnecessary in the first place.
Surprisingly, I feel as though a lot of my tough conversations have been personal rather than political recently. While I don’t think I’ve mastered the art of conflict, I do think I’m learning the best practices when preparing to bring up something I’d prefer to avoid as well as how to receive someone else bringing things up to me. I hope these can help you as well.
HONESTY
People in my life deserve my honesty. If I’m hurt by something or if something they did upset me and I don’t say anything, that hurts both of us. It will probably just get stuffed down and compounded the next time that person says or does that thing again. This doesn’t mean I need to bring up every single little thing. That can be annoying and exhausting.
Choosing to be honest with whomever I need to talk to about what is bothering me is important. Equally important is choosing to be honest with myself. When something rubs me the wrong way or whatever else, I try to take the time to reflect a bit on why I’m feeling that way. Did it really have to do with what that person said? Or am I just hangry right now?
Having a greater understanding of the why behind what we’re experiencing will also help to inform the conversation and bring clarity to both involved.
Lastly, in that time of reflection, maybe consider what you want the outcome of the conversation to be. What is my expectation here? Is it realistic?
CHARITY
Another word for charity is love. This may seem like a no brainer, but very often in conversations of conflict, we can slip into just thinking about ourselves…our hurt…our anger, etc.
How do I have a difficult conversation in a way where I’m loving myself and that other person with the hope of us growing closer and stronger in relationship as a result?
For me, I’ve had to work on being tender and gentle. It is so easy for me to just be blunt and say it like it is...which definitely can be good in some circumstances! However, what I’ve learned is that in situations of conflict or tough conversations, the persom with whom I am speaking can be pretty vulnerable. I want to make sure I’m holding their vulnerability with love, patience, and tenderness as much as I can.
Conversing with love does not mean sugar coating the topic at hand. Charity paired with the honesty, in my experience, provides a loving yet forthright conversation that will hopefully end with a positive resolution.
So to all my avoiders of conflict out there, here’s to speaking up for ourselves when needed in love and in truth. We got this.
Good Company is a ministry at the University of Kansas. We seek to bring authentic connection in a world of AirPods.